Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
