I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
