toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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