Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
