Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
