I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
