Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
