Pappa wants mamma naked
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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