She is in my trunk
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
