Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
