whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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