i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
