You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
