Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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