when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
