So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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