Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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