I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
