OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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