I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
