I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
