They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize