So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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