i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize