My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
