As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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