Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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