No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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