my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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