i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
