If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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