I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
