he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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