I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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