go do what you do best...puke behind churches
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
