Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
