normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
