I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
