Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
