chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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