Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
