i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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