I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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