Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
