idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
