She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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