from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
