The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
