Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just gift wrapped bread.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
