hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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