i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
