Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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