i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
