Your dad touched me again.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
