I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
