I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
FUCK WHALES
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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