what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
