Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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