We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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