you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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