Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
