Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
