Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
