She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
