I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
