he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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