If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
