bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
