I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
